I love your terrible haircut with the three little tails, I love your big blue eyes, I love your cheeky grin and your snakebites. I love the way your cold hands feel in the morning and that sometimes I get breakfast in bed, I like that I get to wake up to you dancing like an idiot, but to me I can’t imagine a morning without you doing that.. I don’t want to sleep without you and have my pillow stolen in the middle of the night or wake up to find my laptop in a bowl of pasta because you were to sleepy the night before to look where you are putting it. I like that in a world of millions of people I was lucky enough to find you in all of those thousands of people, of all the universities I went to I went to UEA and I found you not long after I got there out of everyone Chatman, Clarke, Nate, I found you.. and I fell so hard I didn’t know what day it was anymore.

I forgot time and space and embraced our bubble, because it’s a completely different world in there.

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I think you know when you’re in love, because you can feel it in your heart, because you can feel it in your body, I think you know because it’s the first person you want to see in the morning and the last person before you go to bed…

good or bad news they are the first person you want to tell

the fear of losing them is totally eradicated when your with them

you love everything their smile, their eyes, their haircut, their morning hair and breath…i think you accept everything.

i dont think you ever question it, i think that it challenges you, it changes everything.. it makes everything different, it engulfs you and cuddles you, everything is transformed, and tbh i find myself day dreaming about it quite a lot…

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the end of 500 days of summer kills me

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the somewhere nowhere heartache =[

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You know that feeling when life is crumbling away when you close your eyes you can see it collapsing and when they’re open you can hear it and you can feel it in your bones…but then its not really there its a presence … and its lingering =[

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How is this happening…

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i WISH I ENJOYED THE MOMENTS WITHOUT FEELINGS, WITHOUT WORDS, WITHOUT ANGER AND CRITICISM THAT WERE PURE AND WERE SENSUAL AND SIMPLE AND PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL. wITHOUT LABELS

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TO DIE BY YOUR SIDE, WHAT A HEAVENLY WAY TO DIE

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COLOUR MY LIFE WITH THE CHAOS OF TROUBLE

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THERE ARE NO GOD DAMN FUCKING FISH

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I was sitting at the bus stop and time stopped for about fifteen minutes, I saw the same thing happen in slow motion and couldn’t make sense of anything :/ . That’s what it feels like when you’re heart breaks, I couldn’t feel anything.

I have made so many misteakes in my life and the only one that haunts me is that stupid apes laugh i heard himin my heard doing that stupid girlish squeaky laugh. And then I remembered James and remembered days to vegeland, getting soaked in the rain, and screaming echo in chapelfields stage bit thing..and just I don;t want to start forgetting things. I know its coming… and I am a little bit scared.

I cant bear the thought =[

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If you can only see the bad in me and can’t take me on when I am freaking out, depressed, bit spakky and over the top then you’re not really worth my time… you can’t have me just when I am good and jump out the boat every time it gets too much.

Couples argue… its sort of how it works, and its like you’re negotiating things and you communicate. But you don’t communicate you swear, you demoralize, you disrespect, and you then say fuck this I don’t want this, I dont love you. That’d drive any person crazy and you wonder why I have been getting worse and not better :(

What’s even sadder though is my love for you was coming before everything and I was the one that when we argued I would want to call a truce, and I would always be the one that was loving you still when we argued.. I would never go to such an extreme because it is really cruel. You think I’ve caused all this damage to you… when I weigh what you’re saying I’ve done, when there is a huge lists of things I have helped you with… I sorta think they cancel one another out… but you have just made me iller and iller and think a chocolate bar or two or dinner at wagamama’s a couple of times, or cooking me dinner cuz im ill or too lazy fixes it..and it doesn’t even get close.

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I do wonder sometimes if its me and that I am doing something wrong or I really do not have the social skills to say the right thing or mingle properly… my heads spinning all of the friggin time.

I have my last exam today…and i have about 8 hours to cram, I am exhausted have huge black bags under my eyes…feel quite nautious and have a mighty bbig headache. My eye lids are still too heavy. Win that its sunny, but fuck this is going ot go badlyy. :( shit shit shit ok REVISION TIME im out x

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I am one of those really lovely people that loves life and just gets onw ith it i am not manipulative im not a liar or a cheat and im just generally a fucking nice person, im going to cut out everything and everyone that stresses me out bbecause i am not this person and im starting to realise how toxic norwich is because i am turning into this person out of stress and fear and desperation.

I am going to find myself again and stop being this because i am a fun loving 19 year old that just wants to have fun and live and not worry about the future. I am not ready to get married, i am not ready to move in i am not ready to have children.

I am ready to drink, to go and watch music, to read and become inspired and write and decide what i want to spend my life doing whether it is going across the world and becoming a travel writer which could be fucking incredible, photographer or just anything an english teacher in cambodia.

I refuse to let all these horrible attitudes of me dominate my life, because its been terrifying and sadto see how people view me and i just need to stop paying attention to it. And to do what I want and how I want to do it..

For the first time I have stayed on campus in my room on my own and felt like the energy to get on with shit and be myself and enjoy my own company… and just i have been wasting every ounce of my energy holdingg onto something that you don’t want anymore and it’s destroyed me and my sanity and just everything :( I don’t want to do this to myself anymore!

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